The Refiner's Fire

In case you haven't noticed, yet, this blog is not from someone who has it all figured out. When I reflect on where I am in my walk with God, more often than not, I feel like a baby Christian - who doesn't know anything about anything. A toddler at best. It's kind of funny how that works. As soon as somewhere in your layers of thoughts (because you don't allow it on the top layer, at least), you start thinking/feeling anything like, "I'm really starting to understand God and what He's doing in my life," He shows you yet again that His thoughts are not your thoughts. His ways are not your ways.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9 

There is another verse that applies to me right now:

If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall.  

 1 Corinthians 10:12

The passage goes on to say:

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience.

And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand.

When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

 1 Corinthians 10:13

If you think that's about marital fidelity or lying or stealing or any such things, you'd be right, of course, but it's about a whole lot more than that. There is one great temptation that is behind all of the enemy's schemes, and that is to turn away from God - to stop believing that His plans are always good, to stop believing that He has everything under control, to stop believing that you can trust every word in the Bible, and on and on - a slippery slope that finally leads to outright unbelief and despair. 

But, you'd be giving the enemy way too much credit if you think he has the power to cause anything like that. He can do NOTHING without God's permission. Remember the story of Job? Job had it all together - a righteous man who kept God's commandments, a man rich in children, possessions and servants and even health. And Satan asked and was given permission by God to take that all away. The result? Job came dangerously close to assigning evil intentions to God, but in the end, he learned his lesson and God blessed him greatly - with twice as much as he had before.
  

A baby will never walk if she is constantly carried. She needs to learn to pull herself up, to stand, and finally to take those first tottering steps. In the process, she will fall again and again. She might cry a few times. And when she does, we pick her up and say, "Try again, Sweetheart." Eventually, she will walk across the room, and even if she falls, she will get up by herself and keep going - all while we watch proudly from the side.

And when she is walking steadily, there is a new skill to learn - and one after that, and one after that. Most of the time, there will be failure before there is success. And we watch our toddler carefully while she learns these things. She may not even realize that we are there to scoop her up if she really gets into trouble. Skill upon skill, experience upon experience, slowly, but surely, she grows up and learns to hop and skip and tie her shoes and everything else that goes into becoming an adult.

Being a Christian is like that. There is no such thing as being done with God's training. Little by little, slowly but surely, He grows us up in Him. And that sounds good, right? And it is, but in real life, it hurts. We're being refined, and all our dross removed - and you know how that happens, right? It comes through fire. How easily we read those verses in our bibles:

Be truly glad.There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

1 Peter 1:6-7

You might be one that your friends look up to for wise words - the perfect Scripture applied at the perfect time.  Maybe you've even taught Bible study. You think of yourself as a mature Christian - ready not only to talk the talk but to walk the walk. Perhaps you're even a little proud of where God has brought you and what He's done in your life. But, you know what? You are barely further in God's training than someone who first believed yesterday. 

Nearly a year ago, I wrote a post and toward the end, I wrote, 

Sometimes the greatest disappointments in our lives come not from events or people but from thinking we knew what God was about and finding out we were wrong. Those "God is God and we are not" lessons can be painful, and yes, sometimes (at first) may result in spontaneous keening. It's basically disappointment with God, and where does that put you? There is no place to turn, and to fight it means you're fighting God. That, indeed, is a hard thing.

I'm going to go out on a limb, here, and suggest that you cannot go through a life of faith without at least one of those occasions. We're talking big time wrestling with God, and something you need to deal with if you are going to keep your faith intact. Your mom died when you prayed for healing. Your spouse left you when you prayed for restoration. Your life fell apart when you were trusting God to make things work. 

Those are hard, hard things. They are the things that can push people to depression and despair, which, of course, is what the enemy wants. Do you trust God or not? Do you believe His word or not? Is He working for good or not? These are major "make it or break it" faith testers.  And, just writing that, I can see why He might allow such a thing to happen. As hard as it is to go through, our faith needs to be tested.

Maybe by writing that, it sounded like I was done with that lesson (have you picked up on the fact that these blog entries are mostly me reminding myself of things I should know?). I'm going to be very transparent here, in the hope that God will use this to help someone else. This past year has been among the hardest of my life. Kind of like a midlife faith crisis. I don't think anyone in my life has realized the depths I've been in. And, it's not the kind of thing where you can go to someone and talk for awhile and feel better. This has been between me and God, and along the way, Satan has tempted me again and again and again to give it up - to say that God is not in control - and that all of this is just chance, with one outcome just as likely as another.

At any point, God could have jumped in and scooped me up and set me on my feet again, like that baby learning to walk - but this time, He hasn't. This time He let me fall and struggle up - and fall and struggle up. But, even when you let your baby struggle on her own, you are still right there, and now and then, she will look around to find you. I know that God is there, and I know that every time I read His word, I will catch a glimpse of Him again. I know these things. I have all the right words. In fact, if a friend came to me with my same struggle, I would show her in the Bible all of the promises of God, and I would show her why she could trust them. I KNOW that all God's plans for me are good and that in the end, He will bless me. So, why do I struggle?

A few days ago, I read one of the entries in Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest that suggested that we make a mistake when we seek answers from God instead of seeking God.

I am not yet out of this cave (a scene from Edge of Eternity by Randy Alcorn), and no, I don't even see the light, yet, but I do know what to do:

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33

Are you still in the fire, too? It is not forever. And just like when Nebuchadnezzar threw Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego into the fire, Jesus is there with us, even if we don't see Him.

 And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, fell down bound into the midst of the burning fiery furnace. Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished; and he rose in haste and spoke, saying to his counselors, 
“Did we not cast three men bound into the midst of the fire?”

They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.”

“Look!” he answered, “I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; 
and they are not hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.”

Daniel 3:23-25 

There is something else I KNOW - that this fire, this struggle, this wrestling - is not for no purpose, and like Jacob, I will not let go until God blesses me for it. (Genesis 32:26). Satan can tempt me all he wants, but I will not let go.  I will pray, read God's word, stay in fellowship with other believers, and I will seek God with all of my heart. Perhaps someday, I will understand what it was all about, but even if not, I know God has a purpose. In the end, Job didn't get answers, but he accepted God's sovereignty - and God blessed him for it. 

P.S. If this is you, too, I am happy to listen. ♥ You can write me below or  here.