Saints Triumphant

 

Bulletin cover; St John's/Montello, Wisconsin, WELS

 

This day on the Lutheran calendar is called "Saints Triumphant." It's the day we acknowledge those believers who have gone before us and who are already in the presence of the Lord - and how, we, too, will one day (maybe soon) be there with them. 

I walked into church this morning unprepared to see my husband's name on the screen. I had forgotten what day it was,  so when I sat down and looked up at the screen as I waited for the service to start, my husband's name there was a very solid kick in my heart. It has been ten months, but the tears started flowing like it was yesterday. My purse was soon filled with soggy tissues, and my face mask quickly became uncomfortably damp. But, I perfectly exemplified one of today's verses: 

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 

As Christians, we still grieve. The tears still come, and it's OK. I remind myself often that Jesus wept over Lazarus, even though he was going to be resurrected that same day. (John 11:35) We just don't grieve as those who have no hope. The verse goes on: 

For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 

1 Thessalonians 4:14 

My sweet husband and all of our loved ones who have gone ahead of us are not lost. They are alive - living more fully than they ever did on this earth. Remember what Jesus said?

But about the resurrection of the dead—have you not read what God said to you, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob^'? He is not the God of the dead but of the living.”

Matthew 22:31-33  

Yet I was surprised this morning at how close to the surface the tears still are. Apparently I can be fine (more or less) one minute and sobbing the next. I have been dealing with it in two ways. Most of the time, I keep myself so busy and work so hard that I don't think about it. But, that doesn't heal - it just postpones. 

The second way, the better way, is to remind myself (as often as I need to!) that my husband is not dead. He has just gone ahead to the place where all of us believers will be, perhaps very soon. I - we - need to live in that reality. This world is not our home. We were not created to live in a fallen world. We were created for a world that God called "very good." Here, now, even nature groans, waiting for the redemption to come. (Romans 8:18-21)

That day is coming, though, and on that day, I will see my husband, my mother and father, and my little son, because none of them are gone. They have just gone ahead. Best of all, we will be with Jesus from that time and forevermore.

 According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words. 

1 Thessalonians 4:15-18 

Thank you to my church family who reached out to me today with exactly that encouragement. And to you reading this, that encouragement is for you, too. Jesus is coming soon to make all things right again. This world is fallen, flat and colorless, full of darkness and evil. The real world is the one that's coming, full of light and life and only goodness. That is the world we were created for and it for us. Your loved ones who claimed Jesus as their savior are not gone. They have only gone ahead to that place. If Jesus is your savior, too, you'll be with them again. Just hang on ♥

It's OK

"It 's OK. You're OK. It's going to be OK." I must say that to myself dozens of times a day, as I attempt to tamp down the anxiety that continues to well up in me. I take a deep breath and let it out very slowly and say those words to myself again and again.  

Christians are not supposed to have anxiety, right? Many of us can quote some of the verses from the Bible, like this one from Philippians: 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6 

 Or this one: 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9 

In fact, the Bible is filled with verses that tell us not to be afraid, but to trust God. God is either in control or He is not. I may just not be mature enough, but I have to tell you, when your husband dies and your children are very far away (both my daughters married Canadians) and the whole world changes overnight because of a pandemic, it's really hard not to feel anxious. On top of that, I have a house full of things my husband acquired that I don't even know what they are, let alone what to do with them.  How many of them are vital to the running of the property? I have no idea. 

I'm working my way through this new life slowly, learning to mow and fix things and live on my own, all while dealing with the ever present grief and daily tears, even though I just hit the 9-month mark of widowhood. It's not just me; I know several new widows, and plenty of other people who are struggling, and so I'm writing this not only as a reminder to me, but for them, too.  

Why do you think the Bible speaks so frequently of fear and anxiety? Because we are human, and we have fear and anxiety. But, those feelings of worry and apprehension must not be allowed to rule us. That's the thing - you WILL feel them, but with God's help, they need not control you. I don't want to minimize the crippling effect that fear can have on some people, but I do want to remind you (and me) that we have a very big God. And remember, not once does God say, "Feel not." Emotions, especially for some of us, are not something you just switch off. But emotions are deceptive. What does God mean when He says through Jeremiah, "The heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer 17:9)? It means that you must not act or decide things based on how you feel about something. Your heart can deceive you. You may FEEL that something is right, but if God's word says it is wrong, then your heart is lying to you. 

It's true of fear, too. Our hearts may feel it, but it's almost irrelevant what causes it. Why am I afraid? You may have no idea. It's true that we may feel that anxiety (for whatever reason) welling up in us, but as often as it happens, we need to give it back to God. Whether your fear is real or imagined, rational or not, you need to just say, "Lord, you know what I'm feeling. I can't seem to help it. Please, I give it to you to deal with. Help me. I'm trusting you with this." 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7 

It doesn't say, "Stop feeling anxiety!" No, it says when you DO feel it, give it back to God. There is very little you can do about most things. But, one thing you CAN do is to consciously, with full awareness, trust God. I have to remind myself again and again that trust is not a feeling!!!! Trust is a decision you make based on who God is and all that He has promised. 

By my will, I CHOOSE to trust God (and even that, He helps me do). It doesn't matter what I feel about anything. I may be filled with grief and fear. I may not have a single idea of what I'm doing. But, I still choose to trust that God knows what He is doing. When I feel that anxiety and give it back to God, I don't know what He will choose to do with it. He may take it away. He may calm me despite its presence. He may just stand beside me and walk me through it (not necessarily even feeling Him there, but just trusting that He is). My friends all know my favorite Bible verses:

Trust in the LORD with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6 

What does that verse mean? The "lean not on your own understanding" means just that. Don't put your trust in what you understand. Don't lean on your feelings about something. A God small enough to understand is not big enough to help you. Every situation you encounter has things going on that you know nothing about. You will never understand it all because you are not God. And you know what? You are not supposed to. "Be still and know that I am God." (Ps 46:10) could very well end with "and you are not."  Only God knows the end from the beginning. Only God knew at the beginning of my marriage that it would only be 31 years before He would call my husband home. Only God knows what will happen tomorrow, let alone next month or 31 years from now. I don't have to understand something to trust that God knows what He is doing. Why did He take my husband and leave me here alone? I don't know. I just trust that there was a reason, one that I probably won't know in this world.

Verse six goes on to say, "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." What does that mean? It means put your faith in God. Put your trust in God. Begin every day and every decision within the day by acknowledging that God is in charge. And then what? "He will make your paths straight." He will make all things work for your good. He will make sure that you are provided for. He will keep you on the path that He has planned for you. If your prayer is, "Make me ready, Lord, for the days to come and your coming for us," then you trust (a decision, not a feeling) that He will do exactly that. Whatever is necessary for your continued walk on this earth will be provided. HE - not you - will make your paths straight. It's very much like the roller coaster I wrote about a couple of posts ago. You did not design the roller coaster, and you are not in control of it. Your "ride" was designed by the one who invented engineering. When you trusted Jesus as your savior, you were buckled in. Secure. And eventually, no matter how scary, no matter how full of pain or fear or anxiety or grief, He will bring you to the end of the ride. And remember, THAT'S the real world. That's the world where God will wipe every tear from our eyes. Not this world.

This world is only shadows - a poor reflection in a wavy mirror. The world to come is the real world. And perhaps, like mine, your loved one has gone ahead into that world. And your father in heaven, who loves you so much that He sent Jesus to die for you, will make sure that you get there, too. In the meantime, please know, it WILL be OK. Even if you have to remind yourself a hundred times a day, it will be OK. One day, perhaps very soon, the trumpet will sound, we will be clothed in immortality, and we will meet Jesus in the air, along with our loved ones who went ahead. And then no more good-byes, ever, ever again. That day is coming. That world is coming. Trust your savior despite what you feel. And, JUST HANG ON. 

Who am I?

 

 

 Photo credit: http://rejoiceinhim.com/life/god-sees-your-efforts/

 

 

Who am I? Now that I am no longer a wife. Now that my children are grown and married. Now that I am alone. Who am I? I remember a long time ago, when I asked the same question of myself, but before I really knew God, before Jesus reached me. I would go whole weekends, trying to "know and like myself", trying to establish in my mind who I was compared to the "me" I saw through someone else's eyes. At the time, I thought I had to completely separate myself from that version of me that the other person saw. Who was I, by myself? What did I like to do when I wasn't trying to please someone else?

 

That was a long, long time ago. In time, I met my husband, and in his eyes, I was pretty and smart and someone he wanted to be around. And that was great, but it was still someone else's perception of me. Over the years, a situation came up with another person where I was so completely misunderstood, that I'm still scarred by it.  And, I discovered that sometimes, the "you" that exists in someone else's mind is not only someone you wouldn't recognize as yourself, but someone you wouldn't like at all. 

 

In our human world, a person's perception of you is his or her reality of you. A very unfortunate truth. Sometimes, that builds you up - like how my husband saw me. And sometimes, it can be so hurtful as to nearly destroy you, when you are seen as something diametrically opposed to who you really are. And sometimes, there is truth in what they see that you don't want to admit and need to learn from.

 

There are very popular quotes that float around. "It doesn't matter how others see you. It only matters how you see yourself." But, how you see yourself can also be a lie. We all deceive ourselves - seeing ourselves better than we should or worse than we should. However, there is One who knows you as you really are, who knows you better than you know yourself. He knows every ugly thought, every arrogant act, every single thing you try to hide, and He loves you anyway. He loves you fully, completely and without hesitation. His love for you is unconditional. There is absolutely nothing you can do to earn it or deserve it. That One is Jesus. The One who died for you so that you can live forever with Him. And you know what? If you were the only person in the whole world that would believe that - who would accept that gift - He would have gone to the cross anyway, just for you. 

 

I am still wrestling with my life and who I am now. Not a wife. A mother only from a distance. My parents are in heaven, and so I am no longer a daughter in this world. Except that I am. Whatever and whoever else I am, I am a child of God. Both here, now, and in eternity. I remind myself daily - hourly - that THIS is not the real world. This current world, with misunderstandings, violence, even hatred - this is not forever. My husband, my parents, my husband's parents, my little unborn son - are all experiencing the real world, where there is no sin, and where we will really know each other. When we are there, (and there comes here!) ALL of this current world will seem flat and dull and small and impossibly blind. 

Yet, for now, when we are still in this reality, while we can still be misunderstood, try to be authentically you - transparently you - and very clear in what you say and do (and try really hard for your actions to match your words). But, the truth is, ultimately, you don't even know you. But God does. And He loves you. Remember, dear one, JUST HANG ON.

 

 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
1 Corinthians 13:12

 

Roller coaster ride

 

 

 

 The picture above is from an article called "Seven of the World's Scariest Roller Coasters (with videos)"

 

 I don't think I'd be going too far to say that my world is just kind of nuts right now. I think I'd be saying that even if my husband hadn't died in January. I kind of suspect that your world is kind of nuts, too, maybe to the point where you're starting to ask, "Are these things  in the Bible? Because this is starting to feel like prophecy kind of stuff." And, yeah, in my opinion, it IS starting to look like prophecy right out of the Bible. It's starting to feel like Jesus' return is very close - for real! But that also means all kinds of scary stuff, right? Well, Jesus certainly never promised it was going to be easy. 

 

Even if you're not a Bible reader, things are still nuts. You've got Pandemic literally out your window. You go to the store and sometimes the shelves seem kind of empty. You go to pay for your purchase only to see a sign that says, "Due to the national coin shortage, we can accept exact amount only" or even "NO CASH ACCEPTED." You hear rumors of not being able to travel without a vaccine. And tucked in between Covid news and election this or that, was a little blip at the end of July, where it was quietly announced that the government has "off-world vehicles not made on this earth" Um - what??

There is really weird weather, like unprecedented flood here or snowfall there or earthquake over there (in North Carolina??????). Volcanoes are going off. The 2020 Hurricane season might be among the most active ever? And murder hornets? Seriously?

It wouldn't take much imagination to just get yourself scared to death, whether you believe in Bible prophecy or not. But, I DO believe in Bible prophecy, and I remember what Jesus said: 

 

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near."

Luke 21:28

 

That day is drawing near, when Jesus will return and take His own to be with Him, forever. 

 

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18

 

Encourage one another with these words. It won't be long, now! But, it's still scary, right? You just have to remember that God knows the end from the beginning. He knew every day of your life, before you were ever born. From here to the end, whenever that is, whatever that includes, is still absolutely under God's control. There is not one single second of your life that God hasn't accounted for in His plan for you. He knew every screw up, every bad decision, every instance of being out of His will that you have done or will ever do, and is still working ALL of that for your good. 

 

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

 

Notice that it doesn't say "some things". He doesn't work just the good things for your benefit. No, He works ALL things for your eternal good. 

 

Have you ever ridden a roller coaster? Maybe one of those really big, scary ones? You wait forever in line, and all the while you do, you keep looking over at the ride. It seems pretty wild, but not THAT bad, right? Until you're further on in the line, and the closer you get to getting on the ride, the more impossibly scary it looks. And then there's that moment where you sit down, and they lock you in, and the car takes off! There is no getting off, now. You have to go through it, no matter what - and as you are slowly ratcheting up that huge incline, you know there's going to be a stomach-dropping plummet afterwards, and YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT. But there is no getting off. You are on this ride until the end. 

I want you to think about something. As I mentioned, God has accounted for every second of your life in His plan for you. In a sense, He designed the ride that you are on. Now, we're not talking about a human designer here. We're talking about the best engineer in the entire universe, personally designing YOUR ride. Your ride is not like anyone else's. There may be parts that are similar, but God's ride for you was designed JUST FOR YOU. And, yeah, it's kind of like a roller coaster, but every twist, every turn, every heart-stopping moment was pre-planned, JUST FOR YOU. Perfectly engineered, by the One who invented engineering.

And when you believed in Jesus as your savior, you were buckled in with the safest harness there could possibly be. No, you can't get off. But, you will ALWAYS, ALWAYS make it to the end of the ride. God Himself designed it that way. If you are trusting Jesus as your savior - believing that He died for your sins in your place, and then rose again - then the end of the ride is life eternal, forever with Jesus. No more death or pain or sin. No more good-byes. The place at end of the ride is the real world. This world is just the Shadowland, as C.S. Lewis called it. 

So, your job is to trust the Designer of your ride and to hang on. Scream if you need to, but JUST HANG ON. The end of the ride is coming. And then, real life finally begins. This whole world is just a poor reflection of that wondrous world that awaits us at the end of the ride.

 

 No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him. 

1 Corinthians 2:9

The hardest post I'll ever write

(Please, Lord, let this be the hardest post I ever write)

There have been many times in the last couple of months that I've thought about something I've wanted to write. I guess it's a good sign, a sign of healing, that I want to write at all. But, every time I come here to start a post, I realize that I can't just start writing something without telling the story of the last few months. Yet, every time I tried, I would look at what I wrote the last couple of posts, and my heart would squeeze, and I just couldn't. 

But, if I want to write again, and I do, I need to get past that. Most people who will read this post already know what happened. For the sake of the blog and anyone who finds their way here who doesn't know me, though, I need to tell the story.

My daughter got married last October 27. A wonderful wedding, with my most poignant memory being of her dancing a swing dance with her dad. They practiced for weeks, and it was one of the highlights of the day. My husband had such a smile on his face. Three weeks later, we went to Door County here in Wisconsin to celebrate our 31st wedding anniversary. Other than some pain in his foot & leg, which we put down to doing something the previous week, all seemed fine. A week later, he started having trouble eating. The tiniest amount of food would make him feel like he was going to vomit. His leg pain increased, and his stomach started to hurt all the time. I took him to the doctor, and I personally told the doctor all I had been seeing. He ordered a bunch of tests, all of which were inconclusive. By December 16, my husband's stomach hurt so bad that I took him to the emergency room, where they did a CT scan. I expected them to tell us that he had a bowel blockage, and worst case, might need surgery to correct it. Instead, they told us that his body was full of cancer. It was already everywhere. And just three and a half weeks later, he was gone. His cancer doctor told me that all pancreatic cancer is aggressive, but his was especially bad. 

Maybe someday I'll be able to write of those weeks. I can't, yet. I hope with all my being that his passing was pain free, but for me, it was traumatizing. Even now, nearly seven months later, I have to pray away the memory of that last week whenever it surfaces. While he could talk, my husband assured us that he was at peace with what God had decided for him, but I wasn't. I was in full denial. Hundreds of people were praying, and I wanted to believe that God would heal him, and give him back to me. Those prayers were not in vain. God did heal him - just not the way I thought He was going to. My precious husband needed to let go of his need for the things of this world to be ready for the next one, and that is exactly how God healed him. 

My daughters and their husbands were able to come and spend time with their dad. His sister and her husband were also here. My oldest daughter was able to show him a 3D ultrasound picture of his soon-to-be-born, first grandchild. I know that God was gracious to us. He gave us time to say good-bye, and He didn't allow my husband to go through endless suffering, trying to hang on to this world a little longer. But who is ever ready to say good-bye to anyone you've loved so deeply?

God has already taught me many things these last few months. For one thing, this separation is temporary. Before he died, my husband made a recording for me, to put inside a teddy bear. His message was simple: "I love you, Jacqui. I will see you soon."

And I will see him soon. No one with any amount of Bible knowledge can look around and not realize that we are nearly at the end of this world as it has been. It is almost time for God to bring all things to completion, and part of that plan is bring His people to Himself, never to be separated again. (1 Thessalonians 4:17)  My husband would not recognize this world he left. So much has changed in just these few months since January.

I know that writing posts here will still be hard. The things I've learned, I've learned through pain, and that's never the easiest thing to talk about. But, I hope this is the start of writing again. 

So, Lord, tell my dear husband that I love him. Tell him that I miss him, but I know it won't be long, and we will all be together again, with You. And then, no more good-byes, ever, ever again.

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
1 Thessalonians 4:16-18


 My husband's obituary

In light of eternity

Do you ever feel like growing older isn't really fair? As I sat in Bible study at church yesterday, these and other thoughts were interrupting my listening to the pastor. At that point in the lesson, we were discussing these verses: 

For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us.

Romans 8:22-23 NLT

That part, "we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering," is about being in pain, being sick, growing old, and the pastor was making the point that when we are suffering like that, maybe with something like cancer or constant pain, that we might be tempted to say, "I thought you loved me, God. I've served you my whole life. Why are you doing this to me?"

And, in my head, I was off, thinking about things God has already taught me. Well -- is teaching me. Will continue to be teaching me. 

Not that long ago, I was feeling pretty blue. My grown children were having adventures, and I was kind of jealous. (still am, in all honesty) Their whole lives were still ahead of them, and mine was mostly past. At that moment, getting old didn't seem fair. So, why is that the way it is? 

And, of course, God reminded me that He didn't create us to die. We humans did that to ourselves.

Of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.

Genesis 2:17

And that is why Jesus had to come to earth - to live and die in our place, so that we could be forgiven for that original sin and all the ones each one of us commit. And one day, He will undo all the damage we're wrought on this earth and will make it perfect again. 

Which brings us back to the verse from Bible study - longing for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. And that's how God uses our dying bodies for good - to long for the day when we will be released. When all creation will be released. If all was perfect, if we were always young and strong, what reason would we have to long for something better? What reason would we have to feel the need to get right with God? 

So, I have accepted that in this fallen world, with these fallen bodies, that getting old is literally part of God's plan for us. From His perspective, this little time on earth is the merest blip, not even the blink of an eye, compared for what He has in mind for us. In light of eternity, our time of feeling old and useless is nothing. For the day will come - maybe soon - when corruption puts on incorruption. 

 So also is the resurrection of the dead. The body is sown in corruption, it is raised in incorruption.  It is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness, it is raised in power.  

1 Corinthians 15:42-43

Photo credit: https://christskingdom.org/articles/heaven-jesus-believers-new-glorified-body/

So, knowing what awaits, we can (should, at least), be patient with these failing bodies. So, that is not my issue. I accept that that is the way it is, so that is not what my mind was occupied with yesterday. No, I was thinking more of the useless part. We were in Romans, and 15 years ago, I had written an overview of the whole Bible, with a little bit on each book, and I had a couple of sentences on Romans. 15 years ago, Romans was so familiar to me that I could summarize it for my Bible study ladies without a lot of effort. Yesterday, I literally couldn't remember what I had said about Romans. 

Yeah, so? Many of my friends, when I make some kind of comment like that will respond that they have trouble remembering why they came into a room, let alone something they wrote 15 years ago. The point is not that I couldn't remember what I had said. The point is that yesterday, given the same opportunity to summarize Romans in a couple of sentences, I couldn't do it. 

I sat there, with the Pastor's voice an unheard buzz in the background, while I tried to summarize Romans in my head. I couldn't do it. That book used to be so familiar to me, and now, I can barely remember what is in Romans and what isn't. How am I supposed to be useful to God like this?

And, I remind myself, yet again, that God created me for a purpose. I've written about that before: Work that only you can do and I'll surely write on it again. I can't be alone. There must be other believers out there who used to feel more useful than they currently do. But, as I continually tell myself, God knew I would get to this point, and He still has a purpose for me in being here, or He would have found a way to call me home. Since He has not, there is still work for me to do. No, it obviously is not the same work as before, but it is still important, and He still means for me to do it. 

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

NOTE: None of this is about working to earn my right to heaven. In that regard, our only work is to believe that Jesus has already done it all for us, and even that, the Holy Spirit works in us to believe that.

I don't like getting old, and I am still jealous of my daughters, with their lives ahead of them. But, in light of eternity, all of it, literally ALL of it, is nothing. In light of eternity, it doesn't matter how old you are, whether you lead an adventurous life or go exciting places. All that matters is knowing Jesus and trusting Him as your savior. If you are right with God, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. As Paul says, "Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." (Philippians 3:8)

In light of eternity, this tiny blip of a life is truly nothing. 

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
    and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared
    for those who love him.”

1 Corinthians 2:9   

And while here, there is still work for me to do. 😁 

Finish the work

Obviously, I've been doing a lot of things besides writing this blog. Lately, I've been outside pretty much all day, every day. Yesterday, it was supposed to start raining at some point in the afternoon. I decided to see how much I could get done in the garden before the rain came. By this time, it was almost 4:00, and that was when the front was supposed to come through.

I grabbed a pail, and a pair of scissors (to cut stinging nettle to make quiche), a package of purple bean seeds to plant, and my trusty shovel that's been a constant companion this spring. As you can see in the picture, three of my squares are not only not planted, but I haven't even dug in the compost, yet. It was my plan to ready another square for planting.

As I stood in the garden, softening up the bean square soil with my hand, the wind started to howl. Our property has many basswoods, which really catch the wind because they are so tall. They stand as sentinels behind my vegetable garden and nearby food forest. I love the wind, so I look up, and the light behind the trees has that "going to storm" look to it. It's all wild and wonderful, and suddenly I have one of those "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening" kind of moments.

We live in the country, and I'm usually talking to God out loud while I work, asking Him about what to plant where and telling Him that something is pretty, and whatever. No one can hear me, and it's just become what I do outside. So, that's normal, but asking Him to speak back is not typical for me. For one thing, I'm just too afraid that my imagination would take over and put words in my head.

There have been a couple of occasions in my life when I've heard God speak loud and clear, literally like someone speaking in the room. There have been a handful of times when I've heard God speak in my soul or my head or whatever you want to call it, and I knew that I knew that I knew that it was Him, and even had it confirmed later that yes, it really had been. (If you've experienced that, you know what I mean) There have been times when God spoke and I had no idea that it had been Him until afterward. And, there have been many times when I heard a whisper that was so light that I am just not sure. Was that God? Was that me? There are times when it didn't matter, because the words were scripture from the Bible. But, if it wasn't from the Bible, was it really God? Speaking to me in a gentle whisper?? Yesterday, was one of those times.

So, I'm in garden, looking up at the tossing trees, and that light that says a storm is coming, the wind whipping my face, and I say, "Speak, Lord. Talk to me." And immediately, "Hurry" comes into my head. Hurry? With the garden? So, just in case, I stop with the beans and go cut my stinging nettle, because we're going to have that for supper. That done, I get ready to plant my purple beans, and while I do that, I'm talking out loud to God. "Was that You, Lord? Hurry? Are you just caring about me not getting wet?"

I'm bent over, popping beans into the soil, and into my head comes, "Finish the work. You have less time than you think you have."

I stand up and look at the sky. "Lord? Is that really You? This isn't about the garden, then? If that's really You, could you please confirm this somehow?"

Now, in the immediate, I certainly did have less time than I thought I had. I hadn't started digging the new square for planting, and in fact, I wasn't even done with the beans when the rain started. I hurried then! I needed to finish the beans before I got soaked.

As I ran to the house, I'm thinking about those words. It really didn't feel like me talking to myself, because why would I say that? "FINISH THE WORK. YOU HAVE LESS TIME THAN YOU THINK YOU HAVE." If it was God, what did it mean? Is my personal time nearly up? Is the world's time nearly up? And if it was God, what work did He mean?

So, I get in the house, and I'm praying for confirmation of some sort, but none came - nothing big and flashy, any way. As the evening progressed, I remembered something that J.D. Farag had said. (My paraphrase of it) "If you knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that Jesus was calling you home tomorrow, what would you do differently today?" I think he was speaking of the rapture, but it could also be our personal "Judgment Day" at any time.

So, I realized that whether that was truly God or just my conscience, it is true. We all have work to do, that God designed for us - and us for it.

For we are God's handiwork,

created in Christ Jesus to do good works,

which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

And we always have less time than we think we have. So, what work for me, specifically? I guess I will be praying about that. Maybe I'm supposed to write more, here. I've used the excuse that my brain doesn't work so well these days, but God will supply what I need, if this is part of what He wants me to do. I haven't written a word here since November, but somehow, in the last month, people from Russia, Egypt, Bangladesh, Israel and six other countries have found my posts. No idea if I helped anyone. That's in God's hands. 

So, were these words are really from God? Finish the work. You have less time than you think you have - and if they were from God, is it just me that has less time or all of us?

I don't know. But, a reminder that we, as believers, are each still here for a reason. In any case, I like how the New Living Translation puts John 9:4: 

We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us

by the one who sent us.

The night is coming, and then no one can work.

John 9:4

Time to get to work! Help me, Lord, to stay on your path, in the center of your will, and help me to do whatever work You'd have me finish in the time I have. 

P.S. If those words were from God, I really don't want it to mean a personal "time is short," but all my days are written in God's book, and I know that all His plans for me are good. I am trusting that my sins are forgiven, because Jesus paid for them on the cross. And because He lives, I will also, forever and ever with Him.