When Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas

 

This photo really struck me when I saw it on Facebook. “Hope for the Broken-Hearted” is 

Christian author Debbie Kay’s ministry on Facebook and also at 

https://www.hopeforthebrokenhearted.com for people who are hurt or grieving. 

The message for this particular picture is from pastor Greg Laurie. 

The older I get, the more I have come to realize that nearly every single person struggles with something. In the grand scheme of things, your heartache may not compare with another’s, but it is still real to you. You may have depression or anxiety, or maybe you just heard that you or a loved one has a devastating disease or perhaps there is an empty place in your home and your heart this year. 

And all those things get more intense at Christmas. Why is that? Why do we put so many hopes into what is mostly (for many, at least) a man made holiday? Be honest - if you are reading this, you probably know the true meaning of Christmas - that Jesus is the reason for the season, and yet, if you are like me, you still enjoy all those man made extras - the lights and trees and decorations and all the traditions that mean “Christmas” to you. 

Some people dread Christmas for that exact reason, that there are so many expectations about it, but it fails to measure up. There are many holiday movies about “recovering your Christmas spirit.” That, somehow, this holiday will make a change in your heart, and you will love all those traditions again, and Christmas will once again be filled with meaning

When I was little, Christmas was about opening presents. And when all was unwrapped, and I had my little pile next to me, there was the inevitable sense of “is this all there is?” All this excitement that builds up, so that you can’t even sleep, and you run downstairs with your brothers and sisters to just look at the tree until you’re finally allowed to wake your parents, and then, just like that, it’s over. Even as a young child, I knew there was something wrong with that thinking. I was missing something. Even as I grew up and finally became a real Christian (I called myself a Christian for my whole life, but I wasn’t, really), I felt like I was still missing something when it came to Christmas. 

My husband and I created traditions for our young daughters, like going for Christmas light rides and “decorating day” and “cookie factory.” I created traditions for myself, like making biscotti and an annual ornament. I was always very, very busy at Christmas, but tried hard to keep it in perspective. And yet, even sitting in the Christmas Eve service, hearing again about God becoming a man at Christmas, setting aside His glory and being laid, a helpless baby in a cattle feed bin, somehow, I was missing something. Some part of me was not getting it. Still, I loved coming home from the service and having hors d’oeuvres by the fire, and then Christmas morning and watching my girls open their presents. I didn’t need to get a single thing - watching them was enough. I loved getting up early and making monkey bread for them, and having one of them be Santa (usually my youngest) and handing out presents, one by one. We all watched each other open each one, so we could savor it. But then, again, it was over, just like when I was a child. And something was missing. 

Last year, we went through the motions, but my husband was dying all through that time. We still had the tree, the decorations, the presents, but none of them meant anything. In many ways, it was horrible, and yet, the one thing needful, was actually there for me. It was probably the most holy Christmas of my life because it had been stripped of everything man made. And what was left, was Jesus. Not the baby-in-the-manger Jesus, but the Jesus who lived the perfect life and then died for me, one of the most imperfect people on the planet. The Jesus who somehow, held on to me all through that most terrible time. The Jesus who proclaimed through His word, that even as I kissed my husband good-bye, one last time, that it wasn’t really good-bye. 

THAT Jesus is what and who we really want when every year, we put out the trappings of Christmas. We can’t look to the tree or wreaths or flowers or traditions to fill that longing in our hearts. We can’t even look to family to do that. We need Jesus. The rest is still fun, and part of God’s blessings for us to enjoy, but even if you strip all that away, Jesus is the one who will make you feel whole. 

This Christmas, if you are having trouble summoning up any joy for the season, then stop looking for it in the season. If it all seems meaningless, then don’t look for your meaning there. The meaning is in Jesus, who was born of a young girl in a stable on that long ago night, but who lived and then died and rose again, for you. That Jesus is right there when you cry out in the night or when you feel alone or when anxiety threatens. He’s there, right now, calling to your heart to be fulfilled in Him. The signs are all around us that He’s coming soon, physically, with the sound of the trumpet, to call us to His side. And then we will always be with Him, and with those who have gone before us. 

If you can enjoy the “stuff” of Christmas, then do. Enjoy it all, but just remember, like Greg Laurie said in the picture above, we don’t really want merriment. We want Messiah. We don’t really want presents; we want His presence in our lives. And one day, maybe soon, we will finally see Him, face to face. And all the troubles of this fallen world will fall away as we enter into what He has prepared for those who love Him. If you’re not ready for that, or don’t know the Jesus who makes you whole, even when your world is crashing around you, then please write to me, and I’ll do my best to introduce you to Him. 

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba,  Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir..

Galatians 4:4-7

Puzzle pieces

Today, in church, the pastor mentioned how many people just want things to get back to normal. I get it. 2020 hasn't been the greatest year for anybody. The pandemic has ruined plans for weddings and funerals and extended families just getting together. Businesses are closing, people have lost their jobs, we have to wear masks everywhere we go (if we go anywhere), and nothing is the same. Many, many people just want it fixed, so we can get back to the life we're used to. 

Many of the mandates in place right now are attempts to get us back to the way it was before, when there was no virus. Stop gathering. Stay six feet apart. Wear a mask. Clean and clean and clean. And wait for the vaccine that will bring back ordinary. 

I realized today that a great many people would accept things they would previously have considered intolerable or even impossible if it would just put our lives back together. If those things come with strings attached, well, that's just the price we have to pay, right?

How do you view the world in 2020? Is it coming apart, like a carefully constructed puzzle that somebody then dumped on the floor?  Do you feel like you had your life fairly ordered, the pieces fitting together, interlocking, and then someone put their fist through it? Even in a regular year, divorce, sickness, death, and unemployment can all feel like punches through through that jigsaw puzzle. Add in the events of 2020, and some people are barely holding together. And sadly, some have totally given up.

I would like to suggest a different way of looking at this whole situation. And, I would like to gently propose that setting your mind on getting back to normal, no matter the cost, may be a huge mistake, because the jigsaw puzzle is not coming apart. It's coming together.  

Piece by piece, the events of the world are falling into place, just like the Bible has long foretold. Sometimes, when you try to say this, you get accused of "newspaper theology." In other words, don't interpret the Bible based on what you see happening. I absolutely agree. Instead, you need to interpret what you see happening by what the Bible says. 

You might be surprised to realize that Jesus held the Jews of his time on earth accountable for failing to recognize prophecy being fulfilled. On the day of his triumphal entry into Jerusalem, Jesus intentionally chose the exact day to fulfill Daniel 9:25-27 and did it riding on a donkey, just as Zechariah 9 said he would. Those people were supposed to realize prophecy was being fulfilled. 

As (Jesus) approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”

Luke 19: 41-44 

Why was Jerusalem destroyed and the temple burned and torn apart in 70 AD? Because the people of that city failed to recognize prophecy being fulfilled. Is prophecy being fulfilled today? I believe it is, but that's a conclusion you need to come to on your own if you're going to benefit from it. 

I think there is great comfort in seeing the world as a puzzle that God is putting together, bit by bit, rather than something you are trying to construct and hold in place. You may be mature enough in your faith that you KNOW that God is in charge, that nothing is happening that is out of His control. But, to see for yourself that things are coming together just like the Bible said they would? That's actually a reason to get excited, because it shows you that Jesus really is coming soon. 

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.

Luke 21:28

So, how do you get to that place of actually recognizing "these things"? Well, you have to read the Bible, but perhaps in a way you haven't tried. I know this is practically sacrilege, but if you aren't used to the idea that God says what He means and means what He says,  put away your study Bible with the notes at the bottom of every page of what it's supposed to mean. Put away that Bible that you took to church and constantly wrote in the margin what the pastor said it meant. Get out a Bible translation (so not The Message, which is not a translation) that you will actually read and then just read it. Pray for understanding. Ask God to teach you, as David asks in the Psalms, and the Holy Spirit will teach you. Don't look for men's explanations of what it means until you have a firm grasp on what God is actually saying. Little bit by little bit, the Holy Spirit will teach you, at the pace that's right for you. You will not get everything the first time through. You will not get everything the 100th time through (we will be learning through eternity what all was there) - but every time you read, you will understand more than you did. 

And when prophecy in God's word becomes familiar to you (taking it literally whenever that makes sense), suddenly "global governance" and "global citizen" take on a new meaning. A vaccine that's required to work or travel (or maybe someday even to buy or sell?) might make you wonder what it's leading to. Iran moving into Syria makes you go "hmmm". And Damascus, the world's oldest, continuously inhabited city becoming a pile of rubble? (Go peek at Isaiah 17:1)

There are 1,189 chapters in the Bible. Reading 3-4 a day will get you through in about a year. Twenty chapters a day will get you through in about 60 days. Choose the pace that's right for you and just read. If you come to parts that seem mind-numbing (like all those numbers in Numbers or laws in Leviticus) then skim them at first. Don't let that be a reason to stop reading.  Eventually, God will start showing you things even there. You'd be amazed what's hiding in those numbers of Numbers. You may not see it the first time or even the tenth time, but when you do, it's like finding treasure. That's what Jesus meant when he said there would be "new treasures as well as old." 

There are nothing wrong with teachers. We are supposed to teach each other. Just treat cautiously those who explain scripture by explaining it away. Scripture interprets scripture. And as you become more familiar with it, the more you will see that something confusing in one place is explained in another. For example, if you wonder about the woman in Revelation 12, go back and check Genesis 37.

And while you are reading God's love letter to you, you will gain a lot more than familiarity with prophecy. His promises to you are real. Reading them for yourself will make them personal. Remember, too, that faith comes from hearing (truly "getting" it) the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ (Romans 10:17). As you read and understand, your faith will grow. And as your faith grows, I think you'll start to see the puzzle coming together, not coming apart. Jesus is coming. The signs are all around us. Just hang on.

 

Do not tremble, do not be afraid.
    Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago?

Isaiah 44:8

 

 

Saints Triumphant

 

Bulletin cover; St John's/Montello, Wisconsin, WELS

 

This day on the Lutheran calendar is called "Saints Triumphant." It's the day we acknowledge those believers who have gone before us and who are already in the presence of the Lord - and how, we, too, will one day (maybe soon) be there with them. 

I walked into church this morning unprepared to see my husband's name on the screen. I had forgotten what day it was,  so when I sat down and looked up at the screen as I waited for the service to start, my husband's name there was a very solid kick in my heart. It has been ten months, but the tears started flowing like it was yesterday. My purse was soon filled with soggy tissues, and my face mask quickly became uncomfortably damp. But, I perfectly exemplified one of today's verses: 

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 

As Christians, we still grieve. The tears still come, and it's OK. I remind myself often that Jesus wept over Lazarus, even though he was going to be resurrected that same day. (John 11:35) We just don't grieve as those who have no hope. The verse goes on: 

For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 

1 Thessalonians 4:14 

My sweet husband and all of our loved ones who have gone ahead of us are not lost. They are alive - living more fully than they ever did on this earth. Remember what Jesus said?

But about the resurrection of the dead—have you not read what God said to you, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob^'? He is not the God of the dead but of the living.”

Matthew 22:31-33  

Yet I was surprised this morning at how close to the surface the tears still are. Apparently I can be fine (more or less) one minute and sobbing the next. I have been dealing with it in two ways. Most of the time, I keep myself so busy and work so hard that I don't think about it. But, that doesn't heal - it just postpones. 

The second way, the better way, is to remind myself (as often as I need to!) that my husband is not dead. He has just gone ahead to the place where all of us believers will be, perhaps very soon. I - we - need to live in that reality. This world is not our home. We were not created to live in a fallen world. We were created for a world that God called "very good." Here, now, even nature groans, waiting for the redemption to come. (Romans 8:18-21)

That day is coming, though, and on that day, I will see my husband, my mother and father, and my little son, because none of them are gone. They have just gone ahead. Best of all, we will be with Jesus from that time and forevermore.

 According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words. 

1 Thessalonians 4:15-18 

Thank you to my church family who reached out to me today with exactly that encouragement. And to you reading this, that encouragement is for you, too. Jesus is coming soon to make all things right again. This world is fallen, flat and colorless, full of darkness and evil. The real world is the one that's coming, full of light and life and only goodness. That is the world we were created for and it for us. Your loved ones who claimed Jesus as their savior are not gone. They have only gone ahead to that place. If Jesus is your savior, too, you'll be with them again. Just hang on ♥

It's OK

"It 's OK. You're OK. It's going to be OK." I must say that to myself dozens of times a day, as I attempt to tamp down the anxiety that continues to well up in me. I take a deep breath and let it out very slowly and say those words to myself again and again.  

Christians are not supposed to have anxiety, right? Many of us can quote some of the verses from the Bible, like this one from Philippians: 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6 

 Or this one: 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9 

In fact, the Bible is filled with verses that tell us not to be afraid, but to trust God. God is either in control or He is not. I may just not be mature enough, but I have to tell you, when your husband dies and your children are very far away (both my daughters married Canadians) and the whole world changes overnight because of a pandemic, it's really hard not to feel anxious. On top of that, I have a house full of things my husband acquired that I don't even know what they are, let alone what to do with them.  How many of them are vital to the running of the property? I have no idea. 

I'm working my way through this new life slowly, learning to mow and fix things and live on my own, all while dealing with the ever present grief and daily tears, even though I just hit the 9-month mark of widowhood. It's not just me; I know several new widows, and plenty of other people who are struggling, and so I'm writing this not only as a reminder to me, but for them, too.  

Why do you think the Bible speaks so frequently of fear and anxiety? Because we are human, and we have fear and anxiety. But, those feelings of worry and apprehension must not be allowed to rule us. That's the thing - you WILL feel them, but with God's help, they need not control you. I don't want to minimize the crippling effect that fear can have on some people, but I do want to remind you (and me) that we have a very big God. And remember, not once does God say, "Feel not." Emotions, especially for some of us, are not something you just switch off. But emotions are deceptive. What does God mean when He says through Jeremiah, "The heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer 17:9)? It means that you must not act or decide things based on how you feel about something. Your heart can deceive you. You may FEEL that something is right, but if God's word says it is wrong, then your heart is lying to you. 

It's true of fear, too. Our hearts may feel it, but it's almost irrelevant what causes it. Why am I afraid? You may have no idea. It's true that we may feel that anxiety (for whatever reason) welling up in us, but as often as it happens, we need to give it back to God. Whether your fear is real or imagined, rational or not, you need to just say, "Lord, you know what I'm feeling. I can't seem to help it. Please, I give it to you to deal with. Help me. I'm trusting you with this." 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7 

It doesn't say, "Stop feeling anxiety!" No, it says when you DO feel it, give it back to God. There is very little you can do about most things. But, one thing you CAN do is to consciously, with full awareness, trust God. I have to remind myself again and again that trust is not a feeling!!!! Trust is a decision you make based on who God is and all that He has promised. 

By my will, I CHOOSE to trust God (and even that, He helps me do). It doesn't matter what I feel about anything. I may be filled with grief and fear. I may not have a single idea of what I'm doing. But, I still choose to trust that God knows what He is doing. When I feel that anxiety and give it back to God, I don't know what He will choose to do with it. He may take it away. He may calm me despite its presence. He may just stand beside me and walk me through it (not necessarily even feeling Him there, but just trusting that He is). My friends all know my favorite Bible verses:

Trust in the LORD with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6 

What does that verse mean? The "lean not on your own understanding" means just that. Don't put your trust in what you understand. Don't lean on your feelings about something. A God small enough to understand is not big enough to help you. Every situation you encounter has things going on that you know nothing about. You will never understand it all because you are not God. And you know what? You are not supposed to. "Be still and know that I am God." (Ps 46:10) could very well end with "and you are not."  Only God knows the end from the beginning. Only God knew at the beginning of my marriage that it would only be 31 years before He would call my husband home. Only God knows what will happen tomorrow, let alone next month or 31 years from now. I don't have to understand something to trust that God knows what He is doing. Why did He take my husband and leave me here alone? I don't know. I just trust that there was a reason, one that I probably won't know in this world.

Verse six goes on to say, "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." What does that mean? It means put your faith in God. Put your trust in God. Begin every day and every decision within the day by acknowledging that God is in charge. And then what? "He will make your paths straight." He will make all things work for your good. He will make sure that you are provided for. He will keep you on the path that He has planned for you. If your prayer is, "Make me ready, Lord, for the days to come and your coming for us," then you trust (a decision, not a feeling) that He will do exactly that. Whatever is necessary for your continued walk on this earth will be provided. HE - not you - will make your paths straight. It's very much like the roller coaster I wrote about a couple of posts ago. You did not design the roller coaster, and you are not in control of it. Your "ride" was designed by the one who invented engineering. When you trusted Jesus as your savior, you were buckled in. Secure. And eventually, no matter how scary, no matter how full of pain or fear or anxiety or grief, He will bring you to the end of the ride. And remember, THAT'S the real world. That's the world where God will wipe every tear from our eyes. Not this world.

This world is only shadows - a poor reflection in a wavy mirror. The world to come is the real world. And perhaps, like mine, your loved one has gone ahead into that world. And your father in heaven, who loves you so much that He sent Jesus to die for you, will make sure that you get there, too. In the meantime, please know, it WILL be OK. Even if you have to remind yourself a hundred times a day, it will be OK. One day, perhaps very soon, the trumpet will sound, we will be clothed in immortality, and we will meet Jesus in the air, along with our loved ones who went ahead. And then no more good-byes, ever, ever again. That day is coming. That world is coming. Trust your savior despite what you feel. And, JUST HANG ON. 

Who am I?

 

 

 Photo credit: http://rejoiceinhim.com/life/god-sees-your-efforts/

 

 

Who am I? Now that I am no longer a wife. Now that my children are grown and married. Now that I am alone. Who am I? I remember a long time ago, when I asked the same question of myself, but before I really knew God, before Jesus reached me. I would go whole weekends, trying to "know and like myself", trying to establish in my mind who I was compared to the "me" I saw through someone else's eyes. At the time, I thought I had to completely separate myself from that version of me that the other person saw. Who was I, by myself? What did I like to do when I wasn't trying to please someone else?

 

That was a long, long time ago. In time, I met my husband, and in his eyes, I was pretty and smart and someone he wanted to be around. And that was great, but it was still someone else's perception of me. Over the years, a situation came up with another person where I was so completely misunderstood, that I'm still scarred by it.  And, I discovered that sometimes, the "you" that exists in someone else's mind is not only someone you wouldn't recognize as yourself, but someone you wouldn't like at all. 

 

In our human world, a person's perception of you is his or her reality of you. A very unfortunate truth. Sometimes, that builds you up - like how my husband saw me. And sometimes, it can be so hurtful as to nearly destroy you, when you are seen as something diametrically opposed to who you really are. And sometimes, there is truth in what they see that you don't want to admit and need to learn from.

 

There are very popular quotes that float around. "It doesn't matter how others see you. It only matters how you see yourself." But, how you see yourself can also be a lie. We all deceive ourselves - seeing ourselves better than we should or worse than we should. However, there is One who knows you as you really are, who knows you better than you know yourself. He knows every ugly thought, every arrogant act, every single thing you try to hide, and He loves you anyway. He loves you fully, completely and without hesitation. His love for you is unconditional. There is absolutely nothing you can do to earn it or deserve it. That One is Jesus. The One who died for you so that you can live forever with Him. And you know what? If you were the only person in the whole world that would believe that - who would accept that gift - He would have gone to the cross anyway, just for you. 

 

I am still wrestling with my life and who I am now. Not a wife. A mother only from a distance. My parents are in heaven, and so I am no longer a daughter in this world. Except that I am. Whatever and whoever else I am, I am a child of God. Both here, now, and in eternity. I remind myself daily - hourly - that THIS is not the real world. This current world, with misunderstandings, violence, even hatred - this is not forever. My husband, my parents, my husband's parents, my little unborn son - are all experiencing the real world, where there is no sin, and where we will really know each other. When we are there, (and there comes here!) ALL of this current world will seem flat and dull and small and impossibly blind. 

Yet, for now, when we are still in this reality, while we can still be misunderstood, try to be authentically you - transparently you - and very clear in what you say and do (and try really hard for your actions to match your words). But, the truth is, ultimately, you don't even know you. But God does. And He loves you. Remember, dear one, JUST HANG ON.

 

 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
1 Corinthians 13:12

 

Roller coaster ride

 

 

 

 The picture above is from an article called "Seven of the World's Scariest Roller Coasters (with videos)"

 

 I don't think I'd be going too far to say that my world is just kind of nuts right now. I think I'd be saying that even if my husband hadn't died in January. I kind of suspect that your world is kind of nuts, too, maybe to the point where you're starting to ask, "Are these things  in the Bible? Because this is starting to feel like prophecy kind of stuff." And, yeah, in my opinion, it IS starting to look like prophecy right out of the Bible. It's starting to feel like Jesus' return is very close - for real! But that also means all kinds of scary stuff, right? Well, Jesus certainly never promised it was going to be easy. 

 

Even if you're not a Bible reader, things are still nuts. You've got Pandemic literally out your window. You go to the store and sometimes the shelves seem kind of empty. You go to pay for your purchase only to see a sign that says, "Due to the national coin shortage, we can accept exact amount only" or even "NO CASH ACCEPTED." You hear rumors of not being able to travel without a vaccine. And tucked in between Covid news and election this or that, was a little blip at the end of July, where it was quietly announced that the government has "off-world vehicles not made on this earth" Um - what??

There is really weird weather, like unprecedented flood here or snowfall there or earthquake over there (in North Carolina??????). Volcanoes are going off. The 2020 Hurricane season might be among the most active ever? And murder hornets? Seriously?

It wouldn't take much imagination to just get yourself scared to death, whether you believe in Bible prophecy or not. But, I DO believe in Bible prophecy, and I remember what Jesus said: 

 

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near."

Luke 21:28

 

That day is drawing near, when Jesus will return and take His own to be with Him, forever. 

 

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18

 

Encourage one another with these words. It won't be long, now! But, it's still scary, right? You just have to remember that God knows the end from the beginning. He knew every day of your life, before you were ever born. From here to the end, whenever that is, whatever that includes, is still absolutely under God's control. There is not one single second of your life that God hasn't accounted for in His plan for you. He knew every screw up, every bad decision, every instance of being out of His will that you have done or will ever do, and is still working ALL of that for your good. 

 

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

 

Notice that it doesn't say "some things". He doesn't work just the good things for your benefit. No, He works ALL things for your eternal good. 

 

Have you ever ridden a roller coaster? Maybe one of those really big, scary ones? You wait forever in line, and all the while you do, you keep looking over at the ride. It seems pretty wild, but not THAT bad, right? Until you're further on in the line, and the closer you get to getting on the ride, the more impossibly scary it looks. And then there's that moment where you sit down, and they lock you in, and the car takes off! There is no getting off, now. You have to go through it, no matter what - and as you are slowly ratcheting up that huge incline, you know there's going to be a stomach-dropping plummet afterwards, and YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT. But there is no getting off. You are on this ride until the end. 

I want you to think about something. As I mentioned, God has accounted for every second of your life in His plan for you. In a sense, He designed the ride that you are on. Now, we're not talking about a human designer here. We're talking about the best engineer in the entire universe, personally designing YOUR ride. Your ride is not like anyone else's. There may be parts that are similar, but God's ride for you was designed JUST FOR YOU. And, yeah, it's kind of like a roller coaster, but every twist, every turn, every heart-stopping moment was pre-planned, JUST FOR YOU. Perfectly engineered, by the One who invented engineering.

And when you believed in Jesus as your savior, you were buckled in with the safest harness there could possibly be. No, you can't get off. But, you will ALWAYS, ALWAYS make it to the end of the ride. God Himself designed it that way. If you are trusting Jesus as your savior - believing that He died for your sins in your place, and then rose again - then the end of the ride is life eternal, forever with Jesus. No more death or pain or sin. No more good-byes. The place at end of the ride is the real world. This world is just the Shadowland, as C.S. Lewis called it. 

So, your job is to trust the Designer of your ride and to hang on. Scream if you need to, but JUST HANG ON. The end of the ride is coming. And then, real life finally begins. This whole world is just a poor reflection of that wondrous world that awaits us at the end of the ride.

 

 No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him. 

1 Corinthians 2:9

The hardest post I'll ever write

(Please, Lord, let this be the hardest post I ever write)

There have been many times in the last couple of months that I've thought about something I've wanted to write. I guess it's a good sign, a sign of healing, that I want to write at all. But, every time I come here to start a post, I realize that I can't just start writing something without telling the story of the last few months. Yet, every time I tried, I would look at what I wrote the last couple of posts, and my heart would squeeze, and I just couldn't. 

But, if I want to write again, and I do, I need to get past that. Most people who will read this post already know what happened. For the sake of the blog and anyone who finds their way here who doesn't know me, though, I need to tell the story.

My daughter got married last October 27. A wonderful wedding, with my most poignant memory being of her dancing a swing dance with her dad. They practiced for weeks, and it was one of the highlights of the day. My husband had such a smile on his face. Three weeks later, we went to Door County here in Wisconsin to celebrate our 31st wedding anniversary. Other than some pain in his foot & leg, which we put down to doing something the previous week, all seemed fine. A week later, he started having trouble eating. The tiniest amount of food would make him feel like he was going to vomit. His leg pain increased, and his stomach started to hurt all the time. I took him to the doctor, and I personally told the doctor all I had been seeing. He ordered a bunch of tests, all of which were inconclusive. By December 16, my husband's stomach hurt so bad that I took him to the emergency room, where they did a CT scan. I expected them to tell us that he had a bowel blockage, and worst case, might need surgery to correct it. Instead, they told us that his body was full of cancer. It was already everywhere. And just three and a half weeks later, he was gone. His cancer doctor told me that all pancreatic cancer is aggressive, but his was especially bad. 

Maybe someday I'll be able to write of those weeks. I can't, yet. I hope with all my being that his passing was pain free, but for me, it was traumatizing. Even now, nearly seven months later, I have to pray away the memory of that last week whenever it surfaces. While he could talk, my husband assured us that he was at peace with what God had decided for him, but I wasn't. I was in full denial. Hundreds of people were praying, and I wanted to believe that God would heal him, and give him back to me. Those prayers were not in vain. God did heal him - just not the way I thought He was going to. My precious husband needed to let go of his need for the things of this world to be ready for the next one, and that is exactly how God healed him. 

My daughters and their husbands were able to come and spend time with their dad. His sister and her husband were also here. My oldest daughter was able to show him a 3D ultrasound picture of his soon-to-be-born, first grandchild. I know that God was gracious to us. He gave us time to say good-bye, and He didn't allow my husband to go through endless suffering, trying to hang on to this world a little longer. But who is ever ready to say good-bye to anyone you've loved so deeply?

God has already taught me many things these last few months. For one thing, this separation is temporary. Before he died, my husband made a recording for me, to put inside a teddy bear. His message was simple: "I love you, Jacqui. I will see you soon."

And I will see him soon. No one with any amount of Bible knowledge can look around and not realize that we are nearly at the end of this world as it has been. It is almost time for God to bring all things to completion, and part of that plan is bring His people to Himself, never to be separated again. (1 Thessalonians 4:17)  My husband would not recognize this world he left. So much has changed in just these few months since January.

I know that writing posts here will still be hard. The things I've learned, I've learned through pain, and that's never the easiest thing to talk about. But, I hope this is the start of writing again. 

So, Lord, tell my dear husband that I love him. Tell him that I miss him, but I know it won't be long, and we will all be together again, with You. And then, no more good-byes, ever, ever again.

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
1 Thessalonians 4:16-18


 My husband's obituary