Evening wishes

Sometimes I wish I could just sit and write all day long. The truth is that I usually get those feelings when it's time to go to sleep or I have a hundred other things to do that second. The times I could actually sit and write - well, usually the thought never enters my mind.

Today, I thought about this blog a couple times and what I would write about. I would write about "seeking first the kingdom" but as I did my Bible reading today, I learned there was something you do before the seeking. You prepare your heart to seek. Sounds a little odd - but it came up several times in the chapters I read today in 2nd Chronicles.

Or, if not writing about seeking - which I will do eventually - I would write about Swedish Death Cleaning. Both things are sitting a bit heavily on my heart tonight. God finds interesting ways to teach me.

Do you ever find yourself at a place where you don't know exactly who you are or what you're supposed to be doing? That has been me lately. I am fifty-seven years old and don't know who I am. Or maybe I - the me that I know myself to be - am just temporarily misplaced. Life has a way of doing that.

My daughters are all grown up and seeking their own places in the world, and I found myself a little jealous this week. Not jealous of their lives so much, but jealous of being at a point where anything is possible, instead of where I am, realizing that much of my life has already been.

I know that's just earthly thinking. Stupid earthly thinking at that. But then, I remembered one of God's promises: 

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33

All what things? Well, all the things - clothing, food, shelter - and also peace and purpose and a knowing of who you are in God's sight. So, yeah - I'm working on that. Not ready to write it out all neatly in a spiritual lesson (sounding like I've got it all figured out). But I know - even if I'm not there yet - that's it's the answer to my current restlessness, jealously, feelings of failure, feeling old - you fill in the blank. 

And, yeah, Swedish Death Cleaning. Totally not ready to write about that. I ran across an article about it today, and it hit me so hard that I know the Lord has things to teach me that I'm going to find uncomfortable. Again. 

So, evening wishes of being at a place where I'm ready to write because I have learned a lesson that I'm ready to share. Perhaps, for tonight, knowing the place to start is good enough?